Happy (Half a) Hobbit Day

In honour of Bilbo and Frodo’s birthday, I wish to offer the following long-belated response to Bilbo’s famous compliment (or insult) at the Long-Expected Party:

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

That’s all right, Mr. Baggins. If you knew me half as well as you liked, you would soon discover that I deserve to be liked less than half as well as you like more than half of the Hobbits that you like half as well as they deserve. And I say this, which is half of what I should like to say, on behalf of the other half.


  1. Many happy returns of the day.

  2. *starts looking for a roadmap*

  3. Stephen J. says

    “This was unexpected and rather difficult. There was some scattered grumbling, but most of them were trying to work it out and see if the writer was deprecating himself or half of his audience, and if the latter, which half they were in.”

  4. I may be a half wit, but I am more than half confused.

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